


Coping

by Miishae



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Dissociation, Family Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, More Hurt Than Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation, Suicide Idealization, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, anxiety attack, sbi family, tommy and ranboo deserve to be friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:49:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miishae/pseuds/Miishae
Summary: Tommy finds a new way to cope with everything. Unfortunately, his estranged family doesn't like it, so they take matters into their own hands.Maybe one-shot, maybe more.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 454





	1. Chapter 1

When he’s with Sam, he’s fine. He has something to think about and work for, and life feels normal. When he’s with Sam, with Tubbo, he feels like a normal teenager again.

It’s when he’s alone that things feel different. When he’s alone, he _doesn’t_ think. He sits alone in his house, staring at his wall for hours. He doesn’t show any emotion, he doesn’t sleep, he lets himself sink into a deep stupor, lost in memories. 

It happens every night, and Tommy doesn’t know how to break the cycle. He isn’t sure he wants to.

He loses track of how long this goes on for. During the days, he’s happy and fine, and he can pretend everything is back to normal. But when night falls and he heads back for the back room in his house, Tommy sinks into a chair and slumps back, letting his gaze unfocus. He’s shell-shocked, numb and so ready to not think anymore.

“Tommy?”

He doesn’t respond right away to the voice hovering nearby. It could be anyone; Phil, Techno, or even Ghostbur. Wait, Ghostbur is gone. Isn't he?

“Tommy, snap out of it.” 

He blinks slowly, trying to force the sluggish haze off. Coming back to reality is almost painful, but he’s turning his head to the side to stare at the figure in the doorway. He blinks again when he sees more than one. 

It’s all three of them.

Tommy shakes his head curtly, annoyed that his nightly ritual is interrupted. He doesn’t want to focus on anyone or anything, he’d done plenty of that during the day. He’d been running around, doing all sorts of tasks, and now he just wants to slip.

“Tommy, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Phil marches into the room without invitation. Tommy doesn’t even protest, he’s already going back to staring at the wall, trying to succumb to that mindlessness again. He barely reacts when Phil grabs his chin, jerking his head to the side for forced eye contact. “Tommy!”

“I’m fine.” His voice is far too calm for how irritated he feels. Almost monotone. 

_I’m so tired._

“You really don’t look fine,” Techno pitches in. “How long have you been doing this?”

“I’m _fine,”_ Tommy repeats, with more emphasis in his voice now. “Everything is under control.” He apathetically pulls away from Phil, trying to swat the man’s hands away. “Leave me alone, I’m busy.”

“Do you think people don’t notice what you’re doing?” Wilbur walks in, moving with more care and caution than the other two. This is Wilbur, not Ghostbur. He really is coming back, isn’t he? “Tommy, people are whispering about you.”

“I’m in my house,” Tommy mutters. “It’s not like I’m moping in the middle of the SMP.”

“You have an open front room,” Techno points out. “Your house is also not exactly hidden. Come on Tommy, _I’ve_ seen you in this room a couple of times. What’s wrong?”

“It’s not like anyone cares.” Tommy’s voice is going back to that distant monotony that has the other three looking at each other with concern; Tommy can see it through his peripheral vision. “I’d like all of you to leave please. I don’t want to think anymore.”

Phil kneels down next to him, taking his hand. “Tommy, look at me. Please come back to reality. Look at us.”

“There’s nothing to look at.” Tommy shakes his head, letting himself slump back. “I’m fine, okay? You needn’t worry so much.”

“It’s one thing for you to get angry or lash out, but this new behavior is so unlike you and quite frankly, it’s terrifying.” Wilbur inches closer. “You have to talk to someone. We’re your family.” 

“Family?” Tommy breathes lightly through parted lips, not really responding. This conversation is taking a turn that twists his gut and fills him with nausea. “We haven’t exactly been much of a family before, why are we starting now?”

There’s no response for a long while. Tommy knows why they’re not answering, and it’s because any answer they give will undoubtedly send him into a blood-red rage, and Tommy doesn’t want to snap out of this numb trance he’s in. He feels safe in this headspace.

“Will you at least let us stay the night?” Techno asks.

“No room,” comes the distant reply. “You can camp out outside if you’re so worried.”

“Okay, nope.”

Tommy doesn’t know who’s saying that. It doesn't even matter; because they clearly don't understand him. Why don’t they get that he just wants to shut down? That he hurts too much to think or speak or wear a mask anymore? He exhales again, slower than the first time, and trying to let himself slip away.

He completely snaps out of it when he feels himself being lifted up out of the chair, being flung over someone’s back. Techno’s the culprit here.

Tommy reacts, finally. He screams and thrashes, trying to grab onto his walls and chests and furniture, red-faced and angry. Phil pries his fingers loose each time, until they’re outside and away from anything Tommy can latch onto. They’re still walking, and he’s screaming even louder until his throat tears and he can taste acid. Even then, he refuses to stop yelling.

He ignores the pain-fueled tears streaming down his face, falling down the sides of his face and blinding his vision. Everything is a red blur, and he’s trying to claw and punch at Techno, yelling inane words that make no sense. The half piglin doesn't respond to Tommy's attacks.

Eventually, he falls limp, too spent to continue. They’re exiting the nether, back in that stupid snowy biome he won’t admit he missed. He pokes his head around, seeing Ranboo just up ahead. 

This is embarrassing.

He lets himself dangle, trying to conjure up that same empty feeling he’s come to rely on. It doesn’t come; he’s just exhausted.

“Tommy, you need better coping mechanisms,” Phil says softly. “Retreating into your own head isn’t healthy or good. You need to be around people.”

“Kidnapping me isn’t good either,” Tommy spits. “I want to go home.”

“Okay.” Techno sounds all too cheerful as he dumps Tommy on the ground. When he scrambles to his feet, he’s not happy to see himself in front of Techno’s cabin. Off in a corner, he can see where Ranboo lives. The enderman hybrid is watching them with an emotion Tommy can’t identify.

Tommy wants to punch the asshole in the face. 

“Not this home,” he snarls. “I don’t want to be around any of you. Fuck all of you and fuck this _Sleepybois_ business. I just need to be at home with my enderchest, and you all can have fun with Ranboo.”

Wilbur moves forward, pushing Tommy toward the cabin. His touch is still more gentle than Phil’s and Techno’s combined. “Tommy, my Tommy.” His voice is just as gentle and soothing. “Tommy, we’re all fucked up in one way or another, but the thing is, and I want Phil and Techno to understand this too. Ranboo as well, because he’s listening right now. You’re a child. You can protest all you want that you don’t need anyone, and we’re a shitty family. Which is true! But nonetheless, we’re still family. You and Me especially, and you and me are going to get you to sleep for once, so you can go back to actually thinking.” 

“I don’t _want to!”_ Tommy’s voice is rising again, throat burning from his earlier tantrum. He feels sick, he’s shaking too much, and he wants to run. He’s not safe anymore, especially with four pairs of eyes staring him down. He hates feeling so vulnerable. “God, none of you get it! I’m _tired!_ I don’t want to think I don’t want to feel anything, I just want to sit in my home and stare at the wall all night. I’m not hurting anyone, I’m not doing anything destructive, I’m keeping to myself like everyone wanted. Leave me alone!”

He backs up a few steps, but he’s blocked by Ranboo, who nudges him back toward the cabin. Here, his legs give out on him. He’s more tired than he thought, unable to bring himself to get back up to his feet. At least when he wasn’t thinking, he didn’t have to focus on his exhaustion. Now, it’s all hitting him at once, and he’s on the ground, too spent to move. 

Maybe they’ll leave him here. He hopes so. No one’s grabbing at him to pick him up. He can almost hear them walking away, snow crunching beneath their feet. In his mind, they’re walking away, and distantly he can hear a door shutting. He can hear muted voices whispering quietly around him. No, inside the cabin, leaving him alone outside. Good; finally, he can let himself slip away, and the world around him is fading at dizzying speeds. He can finally be alone.

“Tommy?”

“Go away.” _Christ, he’s tired. Leave him alone..._

“Just letting you know you’ve been asleep for most of the day, and we all thought you might be hungry. Wilbur had to go again, but he says he loves you.” The voice sounds like Ranboo.

“Mm.” Tommy rolls to his side, stretching his arms out over the snow-

No, not snow. Bed?

It doesn’t matter. He’s letting himself blank out again. This time, he dreams.

In his dreams, he’s not a worn out soldier or a victim of a madman. In his dreams, he’s living in peace.

Maybe a little thinking is nice.


	2. Chapter 2

How long has he been sleeping for? When he wakes, the sun is high in the sky, streaming in through the window and nearly blinding him. Tommy’s pretty sure that’s what woke him up in the first place. He lays there, hiding under the blanket, even though it does very little to block out the light.

He barely remembers what happened the night before. Barely, but he does recall vague details.

Tommy remembers Techno grabbing him and carrying him through the nether back to this stupid cabin in the snow. Tommy specifically remembers seeing Ranboo staring at him. He doesn’t remember much after that.

Slowly, Tommy stretches and tugs the blanket down, lifting a hand in a vain attempt to block out the sun. Curtains at this point would be _perfect,_ but alas, Techno is either too poor or too stupid to craft some. 

When he finally sits up, he feels a pounding headache. It’s something he can fight through, especially considering he needs to get back right away. He has business to work on, and he doesn’t want Sam to worry about him. 

“Tommy?”

It’s Ranboo’s voice. Tommy fights back a cutting insult, forcing himself to clench his teeth instead as he responds with a very curt, “what?”

Ranboo pokes his head through the floor, blinking innocently at him. Tommy now remembers that he wanted to punch Ranboo, and he’s certain he could make that thought come to reality. It’s just the two of them, he’s sure, and seeing Ranboo crash to the floor below would probably help, but not by much.

“Er, I thought you might be hungry,” Ranboo says. “I was coming up to check on you to see if you were awake yet, and I...oh. You don’t look happy.”

If Tommy’s eyes could change any color, he’d love for them to change to red. Red is the color of fire and anger, and he wants Ranboo to see how furious he really is. 

“I was kidnapped,” Tommy snaps. “Of course I’m not happy. None of you need to waste your time on me.”

“Yeah, but they care about you.”

“Who is _they?_ Techno and Phil?”

“And Wilbur,” Ranboo adds gently. He lifts himself more into the room. Tommy finally breaks out of his frozen stance and moves forward, pressing his foot to Ranboo’s shoulder in an attempt to push him back down.

“Wilbur didn’t care before, he doesn’t get to show up with everyone else and act like he didn’t aid the rest of my family in turning their backs on me.” He narrows his eyes when Ranboo struggles against the pressure, finally managing to dislodge Tommy’s foot.

“Wilbur said he cared last night,” Ranboo says. “I don’t know how much you remember since you were pretty out of it, but Wilbur said you were a family. You two, especially.” He keeps a tight grip on Tommy’s ankle, not letting him go. Tommy gives up on trying to push Ranboo back down the ladder and sits down with a heavy thud.

“I don’t care.” He hates how stubborn he sounds right now. Because of course Tommy doesn’t actually mean it. He does care, he cares more than he wants to. He cares that they’d all banded together and showed up to show him some semblance of love. It’s all crumbs at this point though.

“Don’t you?” Ranboo asks. “Tommy, none of us have to be enemies. A lot of chaos happened to you, but you don’t have to push us away.”

“Shouldn’t you be telling yourself that?” Tommy retorts bitterly. “Like you’re not pushing people away or hiding your own issues from everyone.”

“This isn’t about me right now,” Ranboo says slowly. Tommy knows he’s treading on dangerous ground, but he’s too stubborn to give up. “This is about you and how you cope with your issues.”

“This is exactly about you,” Tommy insists, raising his voice. “You think I don’t know about you sleepwalking everywhere? You think I don’t know how you struggle to remember anything?”

In a flash, Tommy’s being pinned to the ground, with eight feet of enderman hybrid on top of him. He freezes, eyes wide, as he finally feels a spike of fear. Ranboo could destroy him in a second if he really wants to, and Tommy wouldn’t be able to fight back. At this point, he isn’t sure he’d want to.

“Tommy, _enough,”_ Ranboo says, voice carefully controlled. “You and I can push each other’s buttons and make mortal enemies out of each other another time, but I want you to understand that _I am not willing to do that._ Just because we don’t talk much does not mean I hate you. It’s actually the _opposite.”_

Tommy’s struggling to breathe now. Not because Ranboo has a knee digging into his sternum (even though that’s painful), but because Ranboo is making more sense than he is. It’s strange to think that someone is actually showing kindness toward him. More than that, it’s someone he can actually _relate_ to. It’s such a strange, alien concept and Tommy feels tears pricking his eyes. 

“Why?” He whispers. “Why do you care so much about me?”

“Because Tommy, I think I need you. I need someone to talk to, I need someone to tell me I’m not a bad guy or evil or messed up.” Ranboo finally pulls away. “No one else but you knows what I’m going through. So yeah, you’re right, this is about me, at least partially. But I need you to understand first that you’re not alone.”

“But...Techno?”

“They care about you too. Techno spent half of last night beating himself up over how bad things’ve gotten. They’re still your family, but I don’t think any of you know how to show it.”

“They like you more.” Tommy forces himself to sit up, drawing his knees to his chest. “They didn’t hesitate to take you in. I’m _still_ trying for Phil-” 

“They barely trust me,” Ranboo corrects. “Techno barely lets me in this house, they’ve been doing something secretive and won’t tell me what it is. Something about a syndicate, I don’t know, and I’m past the point of caring. I’m literally only out here because I’m done with everyone else’s bullshit, and so are they. It’s not like we’re a family, not like you are with them.”

Tommy nods as if he understands, but he really doesn’t. He’s confused and feeling lost all over again, numbness settling over him. That same familiar emptiness he’s found solace in for so many nights... 

“No, hey!” Ranboo shakes him. “Tommy, don’t dissociate on me, please. Stay with me, okay? Actually, come on. Let’s get you some food.” He gets to his feet, pulling Tommy up with him as well. Tommy allows Ranboo to guide him around, only needing to remember to put one foot in front of the other.

“There you go.” Ranboo’s voice is distant now, but he can feel the other teen’s arms around him. “Down the ladder, there you go. You’re okay. You with me?”

“Yeah,” Tommy breathes. “Sort of.” He’s dizzy, he’s spiraling, but he’s leaning against Ranboo once they’re on the lower floor. It’s keeping him grounded, like Ranboo is the end of a tunnel and a chance for safety. “You won’t leave?”

“No, of course not. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Tommy nods as they start walking again. He sucks in breath after breath, using his surroundings to keep him grounded. Ranboo’s arms around him, the scent of steak and eggs wafting from the kitchen. the sensation of _home_ starts to settle in as well.

“Yeah,” he says after a few minutes. He’s sitting down now, with Ranboo setting a plate of food down in front of him. “Yeah, we’re friends.” He glances up to see Ranboo look elated by that confirmation.

“Cool.” Ranboo sits down next to him, reaching out to pat Tommy’s arm. “Let’s get you settled in for awhile, and then we can work on me. I’ll even page Sam for you, if you want.”

“Thanks, Ranboo.” Tommy hunches forward to eat. Maybe being kidnapped by his brothers and dad hadn’t been ideal, and he knows he has a ways to go before he’s ready to speak to them, he’s glad Ranboo is that bridge to fix the gap. 

And hey, maybe Ranboo isn’t so much of an asshole after all.


End file.
